Realization

its been a long long long while since i wrote something here (: i doubt i even have the ability to probably write fluently, after not writing for such a freaking long period of time... yea and certainly the past few mths in ns has really made me dumber over time :S oh wells, its inevitable and every single guy goes through it, so i guess we are all on equal footing at the end of it, so its fine, lol.

I guess I have not quite been myself for the past few mths, so as probably any ns men out there. But perhaps to a much larger extent for me since theres much more politics on the admin side as compared to the combat side. It's tough... when you are forced to be an idiot to survive in tough environments. Well being an ass is not tough, but i guess the worst part comes when you really reflect upon yourself and realize what you have become, or to put it a little more kindly, what you are forced to become. Thereafter, there's also a high possibility that this dark side of you would surface every now and then even when you are out in the civilian world, and that will really screw u up eventually.

Help me Lord, i need to shine even in the darkest situations